


Acts of Fear and Love

by Anna_banana



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Brocedes, Drabble, Formula 1 drivers - Freeform, M/M, One-Shot, Slash, lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-22
Updated: 2018-08-22
Packaged: 2019-07-01 01:12:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15763560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anna_banana/pseuds/Anna_banana
Summary: There's no such thing as hate. Only acts of fear and love. Nico thinks about his fears and his love during his time in Formula One.





	Acts of Fear and Love

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the lyrics of the title track of Slaves new album- Acts of Fear and Love. Hope you enjoy :)

_I had this teacher once tell me,_  
There's no such thing as hate,  
Just acts of fear and love,  
I said that's a bold statement to make,  
She said: "think about it" and went on to explain,  
With every word that was spoken,  
The clearer it all became.  
-Acts of Fear and Love, Slaves 

When Nico calls Lewis his first love what he really means is that the sport is his first love. Lewis is actually his second love, or perhaps he's some extension of the first. To be honest he is never quite sure on that detail. Either way he loves both, they're intertwined and interlinked and he's not sure how he could ever pick between them. His first and final loves.

Sometimes however, he feels the opposite. Sometimes he thinks that he hates Lewis, hates the sport even, but Nico knows that it's not true. There's no such thing as hate and really he's just afraid. It might not be something he admits to others but at least he doesn't hide it under a veil of hate either. Instead he copes and he keeps on giving everything. There's a lot to be afraid of in formula one, even ignoring the obvious of the danger and the fame.

He's afraid of losing most of all, that Lewis is better than him. Afraid that even when he gives his everything that it might not be enough. He loves formula one, loves Lewis. He's not sure if it's going to be possible to keep loving both for much longer. It feels like an ultimatum. If you win this year then you've chosen the sport. If you lose you've chosen Lewis.

He thinks it over back and forth but nothing sounds right in his head, because how could Lewis ever chose a loser? Or how could he chose someone that has beaten him. Nico is aware of Lewis' choice, that he chose the sport a long time ago. He wonders if loving racing is tied up in loving him. If it's the same as the way he feels about Lewis. 

When he retires he feels content, relieved. It's an act of fear as well as love he thinks. As always in his life the two feel inseparable. Drivers race for adrenaline and competition and Nico has always wondered if this is why he's always felt like the two emotions are so closely linked. He has won and loved the winning, and to him that's enough. Nico looks at those around him and knows that they don't feel the same. He's afraid of what would happen if he had to pour himself wholly into racing once again. The others are afraid of failure, being good enough, have their targets of glory looming over them.

_Acts of love can be seen,  
If only few and far between. _

When he celebrates the championship and Lewis joins him that night he knows that Lewis loves him. It reminds him that Lewis is brave, that he ignores and overcomes his fears like few other people that Nico knows. He tells Lewis he's going to retire. Whist happy in many ways he can tell Lewis is slightly sad about the loss of his competition as well as the drop in time they get to spend together. If you love something you have to leave it Nico thinks and so he does.

He pretends not to be afraid when Valtteri joins Lewis at Mercedes. He never hides fear with hate but he tries to hide it by ignoring. Valtteri is fast but he's also nice and friendly. He's the kind of guy he knows Lewis would really like as a new team mate. When Nico first comes back to see a race, it's like the Finn sees right through him and laughs at how stupid he's acting. He remembers why love is more important than hate and spends as much time with Lewis as he can. It's important to be reminded that fear makes you act ridiculous sometimes. 

In many ways it's more difficult than when they were racing but in many ways things are easier. The most important thing for them is that now acts of love can be seen. Nico isn't as afraid of love anymore and the two will be just fine.


End file.
